Cardcaptor Relena
by T.D. Winner
Summary: I tried to re-write an episode of 'Cardcaptor Sakura' using Gundam Wing characters.It might seem a little silly.


Cardcaptor Relena

Cardcaptor Relena

By T.D. Winner

7-22-01

Note: Gundam Wing is the property of Sunrise and Sotstu Agency. Cardcaptors is the property of CLAMP

This story might not make sense for anyone who has not seen Cardcaptors episode?, _The new Rival_

Warning: The beginning will sound very stupid. Also some people might act a bit out of character.

Cast of Characters 

Relena as Relena Avalon

Heero as Heero Showran

Noin as Madison Noin

Zechs as Milliardo Avalon

Treize as Treize Star

Trowa as 'Daddy' Trowa (Prof. Avalon)

Quatre as Mr. Winner (Mr. Torata)

Dorothy as Dorothy Rae

Wufei as Fight Card

Special Guest star; the Duobat as Kero

Special Guest Appearance: Lady Une

Narrator: uh.. .the narrator guy for Gundam Wing

Sally, Hilde and Catherine as Relena's friends

Narrator: The year was After Colony- 198. Relena Avalon accidentally released magical cards called Clow cards. Along with it, was the guardian beast, Keroberos. Keroberos enlisted the aid of Relena and together, the two set out to retrieve the Clow cards before it was too late…

The New Rival (Wing Gundam does its little pose and title theme plays)

One sunny day, Relena was in her room with Kero the Duobat, getting ready for school.

" Hey buddy!" Kero said to Relena, " You don't suppose you could get me a video game for uh….helping you?"

"Huh?" Relena looked up from her photo album full of Heero pictures, "Uh…yeah. Sure."

Suddenly Daddy Trowa called, "You'll be late for school!" Relena grabbed her backpack and roller-blades and ran out the door.

Milliardo was riding on his bike when Relena rolled up to him.

" I told you to wait for me!" Relena cried.

"Hmmm…." Milliardo paused, " So? You were late."

Relena was about to reply when they met up with Treize on his bike. { Lady Une appears by Treize's side, "Your excellency! Please drive safely! Shall I arrange for an escort, your excellency?" 

Treize turns to Lady Une, "No, my lady. I shall not need any escorts today. Perhaps another time?"

"Yes, your excellency, of course, your excellency….I shall excuse myself, your excellency!' Lady Une salutes and walks away. }

"Treize, you have got to get her to stop doing that every morning." Milliardo muttered to Treize.

"Hm, yes I know. However, I do not wish to hurt the woman's feelings." Treize replied in his usual, calm voice.

"What are you two talking about???" Relena cried, " I feel very left out!"

"Quiet! You're becoming very annoying." Milliardo growled.

"Now, now, Milliardo, that is no way to treat a lady." Treize said.

Relena blushed, "Uh.. thank you, Treize."

{Offstage, Lady Une is turning red with rage, " How dare she talk to Mr. Treize that way!"}

"Relena, you must learn to stick up for yourself." Treize declared.

"Um…yeah. Sure!" Relena regained her self-confidence, "Just you watch, Milliardo! One of these days I'll—"

"You'll do what?" Milliardo snickered, "Bore me to death with your pacifism speeches?"

"Milliardo!" Relena screamed, "I'll beat you to a –"

Milliardo cut Relena off, "Speaking of beating someone to a bloody pulp, there was another report about a girl your age attacking martial artists."

"Hm…" Treize thought, "It must be that kid, Wufei!"

{Offstage, Wufei roared, "THIS IS INJUSTICE, TREIZE!"}

They get to school on time. 

In Relena's classroom, her friends greet her.

"Good morning, Ms. Relena." Madison smiled.

Relena returned the smile, "Good morning, Ms. Noin!"

They all go to their seats. Today, Heero's seat was empty.

"HUH? Where's my Heero??" Relena cried in a panic.

Sally shrugged, "Heh, who knows. Maybe he's blown himself up again."

"Yeah!" Hilde added, " And maybe his little pieces are being eaten by---"

Relena screamed, "NOOOO!!! Stop it! Don't talk about my Heero!"

Suddenly the door opened and in walked Heero, with a black eye and a big sweat-drop on the back of his head.

"OH HEERO!" Relena cried, " WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU???"

Heero sits down and rests his head on his arms.

Then their teacher, Mr. Winner walked in, with his same old pink shirt, purple vest and brown khaki pants, " Good morning, everyone!" Mr. Winner waved cheerily, "I have uh…some good news! We have a new student!" In walked a tall girl with blond hair and split eyebrows. At the sight of the girl, Heero passed out.

"Soooo…" Relena thought, "That's the girl who assaulted my Heero!"

"Um…everyone," Mr. Winner said uneasily, "This is Miss Dorothy Rae from uh……Earth. Dorothy, please take a seat next to uh…the fainted guy back there. OK! Onto today's lesson! Quiet, please! "

Meanwhile, Relena had been trying to wake up Heero when Dorothy ran up to her. Dorothy pushed Relena, "Leave my man alone!"

Relena sweat-dropped and then became red with rage, "YOUR MAN??? HE'S MINE!"

Mr. Winner turned around from the chalkboard, "I SAID, QUIET!!! Heh..heh heh hhee hee haha ha BWAH HA HA HA!!!" Everyone else except Dorothy sweat-dropped. It wasn't even 8: 40 and already their teacher had flipped. 

Relena and her friends sat in a circle outside during lunch.

"That new girl scares me." Catherine said as she drank some of her punch.

"Yeah." Sally took a bite out of her sandwich.

"Duo forgot to put on some mustard again!" Hilde yelled.

{Offstage, Duo puts his hands on his hips, " Well, excuse me, Ms. Perfect!"}

Meanwhile, Heero was doing his best to avoid Dorothy.

"Oh, Heero!" Dorothy called as she held up a lunchbox, "I made you lunch!"

Heero sweat-dropped, " Uh…you're not supposed to."

"Why not?" said Dorothy in a shocked manner.

"Because you can't cook."

Dorothy promptly slapped Heero. Heero barely managed to suppress the natural instinct of punching back, "Sorry, Heero," she whispered, "The script said to do it."

Heero nodded.

Dorothy sat down on a bench, "Just think, it'll be like old times! We can pretend to be Cardcaptors again!"

Heero sweat-dropped, "But I am a Cardcaptor!"

"No you're not!"

"Am so!"

"Am not!"

"Am so!" Dorothy slapped Heero again.

"The lasen board said there was another Cardcaptor." Dorothy said.

"Yeah, and it's not you." Heero glared.

"So?" Dorothy flicked her hair, "I can be a Cardcaptor too! Tee hee!"

Heero looked at the clouds, " This Cardcaptor's not very good. She constantly screws up and I have to—"

"WHAT?" Dorothy glared at Heero, "You mean this other Cardcaptor is a girl???"

"Yeah." Heero muttered.

Dorothy pointed at Relena, who was on the other side of the playground, "It's her isn't it?"

"Yeah." Heero muttered again.

Much later, the children were at the gym. Mr. Winner, who had already recovered from his little incident, called out, "OK! Today we'll be doing cartwheels!" With that, he took off for the mat. He then proceeded to leap off the ground and tried to do a Trowa-Flip. As expected, he failed and fell onto his back. However, the other students did not laugh, for they feared that their teacher might flip out again. Mr. Winner jumped to his feet and faced the class, "OK! Who's first?" After watching several kids try and hurt themselves, Mr. Winner called on Dorothy to do a cartwheel.

"Couldn't we have done fencing or shooting?" Dorothy protested as she walked up to the mat.

"You should have complained a lot earlier." Mr. Winner stated.

Dorothy flicked her hair back and ran down the mat. About half way down, she bent forward and touched the ground with her hands. The rest of the class watched as Dorothy cartwheeled down the mat.

"Yay!" Mr. Winner clapped, "Relena! Your turn!"

Relena smiled and walked up and did her cartwheels just like Dorothy. This obviously ticked Dorothy off even more. 

"Since you're so good, you two wouldn't mind trying this move, would you?" Mr. Winner pulled out some sort of mini movie player and pressed the play button. The player showed some clown with insanely long bangs leaping into the air, flipping six times and then doing another spin before landing on his feet.

"Hey! That's my dad!" Relena thought.

"Uh…sure. I can do that!" Dorothy said as she imitated the Trowa-Flip perfectly. 

"I can do that too!" Relena said as she did the same. This made Dorothy even more upset.

"OK! That's all for gym today!" Mr. Winner called. As the students walked out to change back into their school uniforms, Mr. Winner stared at the mat and wondered, "WHY? HOW COME I CAN'T DO TROWA'S FLIP??? I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS, SO WHY???"

Later that evening, Relena lay on her bed, talking to Kero, "That new girl doesn't like me." 

"Can't blame her." The Duobat thought.

Relena continued, "I mean, she always seems to want to fight me and…and…"

"DINNER!" Daddy Trowa yelled.

Relena sighed as she got out of her bed, "I'll save you some dessert."

The Duobat did a flip in the air, "YAY!"

At the dinner table, they were already discussing the day's events.

"What took you so long?" Milliardo glared.

"I was ….oh! Hi Treize!" Relena smiled.

{Offstage, Lady Une glared at Relena, "Ooh…it's a good thing I get to go on stage soon…"}"Hello." Treize continued to chat with Milliardo.

Daddy Trowa walked up carrying several plates, "Eat." He said as he lightly tossed them down in front of each person. Then he walked back into the kitchen and came back with his own plate of food. 

"I'd wish he'd stop doing that," Milliardo thought as he stared at his now messed up dinner. 

"I got an 'A' in math!" Relena said cheerfully.

Daddy Trowa stared, "Good." He continued eating.

{Meanwhile, Lady Une was occasionally wiping Treize's mouth with a napkin, "Shall I get you something to drink, your excellency? Some wine? Soda? Tea?" Treize thought for a moment, "Tea would be fine, Lady." Lady Une bowed and walked offstage. Treize heard Lady Une yell, "GET SOME TEA FOR HIS EXCELLENCY! NOW!!!" Lady Une returned with a cup of tea a few minutes later. "Here you go, your excellency," Lady Une said as she handed Treize the cup. Treize nodded and took a sip, "Ah…thank you, Lady. By the way, would you care to join me for dinner?" Lady Une's eyes lit up, "Oh, YES!" She undid her hair and took off her glasses.}

"Hey," Milliardo said, trying to break up the silence, "There was another attack this afternoon."

"My, this person is getting quite violent." Treize sipped his tea. Lady Une did the same.

Milliardo held up the newspaper, "It says here that she wore an unusual costume and that the attacks happened at uh…the park."

{Offstage, as Wufei prepares for his scene, he pauses to scream at Milliardo, "THIS IS TRULY INJUSTICE! WHY MUST I BE CAST TO PLAY A—" Stage hands drag Wufei away.}

"Hmmm…"Relena thought, "It must be a Clow card."

Later, Relena and Kero, the Duobat, met Noin at the park, ready to capture another card. 

"Hey! Can I get some sorta afro wig to go along with these pink puffy sleeves?" the Duobat asked as he waved his little arms.

"Look, pink was the only color I could find," Noin said, " Would you like a clown outfit instead?'

"Maybe later. Ooh! I sense a Clow card!" Kero cried.

"Yeah, that's what you said an hour ago." Noin muttered.

"So? This time I'm positive it's here!" the Duobat said indignantly. The three walked by the creek.

"So, Ms. Relena, what kind of card do you think does this kind of stuff to people?" Noin asked as she readied her video camera.

"I don't know. But whatever it is, it certainly does not promote pacifism and that is why I must capture it! So no one has to get hurt!" Relena declared.

"IT'S THE FIGHT CARD, YOU WEENY!" a voice shouted. Everyone turned to look at the Duobat. He only shrugged.

"HEY! I'M UP HERE!" the voice called again. Everyone looked up. 

"Dorothy? How did you get up on a lamp-post?" Relena asked.

"That's my little secret! Tee hee!" Dorothy leapt to the ground.   
"Oh! She's pretty!" said the Duobat.

Dorothy grabbed Kero, "What's this? A stuffed animal???"

"NO!" Relena shouted as she grabbed the poor little guy away from Dorothy, "This is a Duobat- I mean Heero—I mean KERO. He is the guardian beast of the cards."

Dorothy grabbed the Duobat from Relena, "You mean this little thingy is the guardian?"

"Yeah!" Kero piped up, "I'm the official guardian of the Clow cards!" 

"Ha!" Dorothy laughed, " A stuffed animal?"

Suddenly something shot out of the water and landed on the concrete walkway.

It straightened up, " My name is WUFEI! (gong rings in background)"

"Hey!" Noin shouted, "They're not supposed to talk"

Wufei, the Fight Card, realizing this, charged at Noin, "Silence, you!" He missed. 

"Hey! Wu-Man!" Dorothy waved, " I'll fight you! Tee hee!"

"FINE!" Wufei ran at Dorothy with his fists ready to knock her lights out. So, the two began trading punches and kicks for several minutes. However, soon Wufei had the advantage, since Dorothy was beginning to get tired out. Dorothy tried to kick him in the face but at the last minute, he grabbed her foot and spun her to the ground. He raised his foot and was about to crush her head when Heero leapt out of the bushes and kicked the Fight Card into the water.

"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!(splash!)" Wufei yelled.

Dorothy jumped up and hugged Heero, "OOOH HEERO!!! You're my uh…hero. Tee hee!"

Heero gives her one of his 'Hnnnn…'s and holds out his hand, "Gimme."

"HUH?" Dorothy pretended to say in a daze.

"Give me my lasen board." Heero glared.

"What are you talking about?" Dorothy looked confused.

"I'll say it again. Give it back." Heero growled.

"Hey!" Kero called, "That's not what you said before!"

"Oh poo." Dorothy said as she handed over some big green discus –like device.

Heero grabbed it, " How many times must I tell you? Never take the lasen board without asking! Otherwise Wing Gundam can't fly!"

"So?" Dorothy looked away, "It didn't work anyways. I asked Dr. J to show me but he forgot how it worked, so I uh…experimented with it."

Heero gave her another 'Hnnnn..." Once again, the Fight Card leapt out of the water and landed on the concrete walkway. This time he held what appeared to be a metal rod with an emitter at each end, "I've always wanted to fight you like this!" 

Heero reached into his shirt and pulled out his beam saber. Wufei ignited his beam trident and Heero ignited his saber. The two began jumping at each other, swinging their weapons wildly at each other. All of a sudden, Wufei conked Heero on the head with his trident's handle.

"Oops," Wufei said as he watched Heero fall, " I missed."

Heero landed with a dull thud and grabbed his right arm, "HHHNNNGGHHH!"

Relena and Dorothy ran to Heero, "ARE YOU OK, HEERO?" They both asked. Meanwhile the Duobat and Noin sweat-dropped at this whole scene.

"HA HA!" Wufei raised his trident in triumph, "I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED A WORTHY FOE!" 

"This is for hurting Heero!" Dorothy cried as she ran up and punched Wufei in the jaw. The two began fighting again as everyone else sweat-dropped.

Noin looked at her watch, "Ms. Relena! You must capture the card now! It's way past your bedtime!" 

"Um…ok." Relena said as she watched Wufei beat Dorothy, "How do you beat this guy, anyways?"

Kero pulled out a little book and flipped through several pages, "Uh…it says you have to fight it."

"NO!" Relena put her hands on her hips, " I shall not fight, for I am Relena Peacecraft and—"

"No, you're not!" the Duobat cried, "You're Relena Avalon!" He waved the script in her face.

Relena sighed, "Oh fine. What should I use against the Fight Card?"

"Pssst! Ms. Relena," Noin whispered, "Try the Power Card!"

" Um…ok." Relena searched through her card binder for the Power Card. She pulled out a card with a drawing of the battleship Libra. Meanwhile, Dorothy was losing to the Fight Card. 

'Give up, woman!" Wufei yelled, "You cannot defeat me!" 

"Never! You hurt Heero!" Dorothy shouted back as she threw another punch.

"What's with you women and Heero???" Wufei shouted in confusion and annoyance. Before Dorothy could respond, the Fight Card knocked her onto the ground again.

"Stop right there, Fight Card!" Relena shouted.

"Why must I fight another woman?" The Fight Card protested, " This is injustice!"

Relena, who was now glowing because of the Power card, raised her wand. 

"So, you want to use weapons, eh?" Wufei brought out his beam trident and did his little twirly thing. The two charged at each other, with their weapons raised above their heads. Noin, Heero, Dorothy and the Duobat sweat-dropped.

"FOR NATAKU!" Wufei screamed as he swung his trident.

"FOR PACIFISM!" Relena yelled as she swung her wand.

"Ha!" Dorothy sat up, "She didn't do it---"

"Oh!" Relena added, " FOR HEERO!"

"Oh poo." Dorothy thought. For some reason, Relena's wand smacked the Fight Card first. 

As the Fight Card fell, he muttered, "My dear Nataku….why? WHY MUST I SUFFER SUCH INJUST THINGS???"

"Fight Card!" Relena yelled, " Return to your power confine! Fight Card!" She smacked the air in front of the Fight Card. There was a blinding light and a card materialized in front of them. . Bands of energy shot out and grabbed the Fight Card. As the Fight Card was being pulled into the card, it shouted, "THIS IS INJUSTICE! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!" Soon, a Clow Card that read "Fight Card" with a picture of Wufei in a fighting stance was all that was left.

"Hooray." The Duobat muttered as he fluttered away, "I'm going home. AND WHERE THE HECK IS MY DESSERT?"

" Yay!" Relena jumped up and down, " I got the Fight Card!" 

Dorothy got up and gave her a sly grin, "It's not over yet, Ms. Relena! Tee hee! Let's go, Heero!" Dorothy dragged a sweat-dropping Heero away.

"Come, Ms. Relena," Noin said as she checked her camera, "Let's go home."

"OOOHHH ZECHS!!!" Noin called as she knocked on Milliardo's door, "I'M HERE!!!!"

A half -asleep Milliardoopened his bedroom door, "Hm?"

"Zechs?!" Noin gasped, "Where's your helmet?"

Milliardo blinked, "Huh? Sorry lady, I'm Milliardo." He closed the door.

"DUDE, MAN!" The Duobat shouted, "WHERE IS MY FOOD???"

"Shaddup!" Relena shouted back, " I'm a princess and I need my beauty sleep!"

"GO TO SLEEP!" Daddy Trowa shouted.

End

Uncut version coming soon (if I have the time & if people like this)!


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